Soft, firm, or just right

Screenshot 2018-04-28 11.12.59

So you are getting remarried and moving in together.  Obviously you need a bed.  And let’s be honest – you are REALLY looking forward to getting some good use out of that bed!  But, you have never given too much thought to what kind of mattress the other person has or prefers.  To give yourselves a fresh start in the bedroom, you also want to get a new mattress.  This was us.

We start having the discussion – soft or hard.  The cartoons up above sadly illustrate our very big predicament.  Joya likes sleeping on concrete and I like sleeping on a bed of feathers.  What on earth are we going to do?

After doing research we decided to make the rather crazy large investment of buying a sleep number bed.  Truth be told, Michael was comfortable.  Joya was pretty comfortable too.  But because one side was soft and the other side firm, it was like Joya was sleeping on a cliff because I was so far down.  As a result, it didn’t encourage much togetherness.  So after a month or so – out goes the sleep number bed!

Next up was Bob’s Discount Furniture for the split soft and firm memory foam mattress. 
We have heard great reviews on this and we were very excited to get it home and try it out.  Uh-oh.  Problem after night #1.  I woke up with such awful back pain that he suffered all day long.  And Michael has never in his life had back pain.  Night #2 – very little sleep and same back pain.  Night #3 – no sleep and excruciating back pain.  Meanwhile, Joya was sleeping like a baby!  We called Bob’s and they said you need to give it 30 days to break in and we won’t accept a return until after those 30 days.  Ummmm – I would be better sleeping in the bathtub than on that mattress again.  So Joya had the bright idea of putting over 100 pounds of weight on the mattress to try to break it in.  But Michael was sleeping on the couch in the interim.  Every few days I would try the mattress out but there was no difference.  We tried this routine for another couple of weeks but there was no change.

We went to visit the store in person and the store manager said he would make an exception and let us exchange our mattress for another.  They only allow this once.  So Joya (being the amazing wife she is), insisted that we just get the softest mattress in the store.  So for about two hours, we checked all the mattresses, we worked with a sales clerk, we were googling Bob’s website (because we had concerns that the clerk knew what they were talking about), and we were on a chat with Bob’s online customer service – yes, at the same time we were talking to a clerk in person.  We finally picked out mattress and had it delivered the next day.

Well, now I’m feeling guilty.  He is sleeping good – not great and not bad – but good.  Joya is not sleeping as well and she keeps saying she will get used to it.  So, I go out and buy a two inch split, firm and soft, memory foam mattress topper to put on top of the new, and third, mattress of ours.  We each give this a chance but neither of us is comfortable with it.  We return that after about 3 weeks.

That brings us to today.  We are still on our third mattress and we are sticking with it.  Sleep is good, not great.  However, much of that comes from our minds working overtime thinking about kids, work or both.  This will be a work in progress.  What is most important is that we can hold each other in bed without being on a cliff and without too much back pain.

So what is the lesson with this?  Perfection will always be hard to find – apparently especially in the case of mattresses – but compromise keeps us together.  That being said – if you all have any ideas about how to make our mattress better PLEASE LET US KNOW!!!

“I really don’t like that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed, your body is like…JUST KIDDING!”

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