Have you ever been in a discussion with your spouse where you are saying one thing that seems simple and to the point, and your spouse is saying something back that seems equally simple and to the point? All of the sudden you see your spouse’s attitude change instantly. And your reaction is: “WHAT? What did I say? What did I do?”
We just started working through the Love and Respect series which has been SO eye opening to us. Emerson Eggerichs is brilliant and hits the nail on the head! He explains that many times in conflict, the issue doesn’t seem to be the the issue. “What is the issue when the issue isn’t the issue?,” he says.
You think your spouse should understand you because your comments, on the surface, appear to be straightforward. And you think you understand your spouse’s comments for the same reason. By the way, take this to a texting “conflict” and the situation can get even worse! A simple text can be anything BUT simple!
Why on earth doesn’t your spouse get it? It’s so simple!
Well guess what? IT IS SIMPLE! You and your spouse both don’t get it because you are different people! As Emerson Eggerichs explains, a woman wears pink sunglasses and pink hearing aids and everything gets filtered through them. A man wears blue sunglasses and blue hearing aids and everything for him gets filtered through them.
Now that you know this, what can you do? Well in short order, you have to work with your spouse on understanding that you both see things differently. This isn’t something that will happen overnight and it will take time to regularly be aware that words and phrases mean different things to you and your spouse. “I don’t have anything to wear” is a perfect illustration of how we see things differently.
The entire Love and Respect conference, book and materials are about understanding that, for the most part (and there will be exceptions), women want to be loved and men want to be respected. While it is simple, there is a great deal to learn about loving and respecting each other.
We are only through week one of the Love and Respect 8 week study, but you can be sure we will be sharing something fun and new every week. Stay tuned!