Marriage is about getting naked.

(This post was first published on the in-between adventures)

If you’re married and you haven’t sat next to your spouse with no pants on, watching Brooklyn 99, then you’re missing out.  But really.

Screenshot 2019-04-02 14.11.18

A few weeks ago Jacob and I were sitting on our couch watching Wall-E and eating snacks.  Our window was open and we heard some friends in the parking lot.  They yelled up to our second floor apartment asking if we wanted to join them for half-off apps at Applebee’s.  We looked at each other, decided it’d be fun, and then yelled back down.  ‘Yes, we’ll be there in two minutes!  We need to put clothes on.’ Continue reading “Marriage is about getting naked.”

Do we really need counseling?

Like it or not, counseling has a bit of a stigma to it.

Some believe that counseling is not necessary and we should be able to resolve our problems on our own or by using some other resource.  This is an understandable opinion.  Some would rather reach out to close friends, their church, read expert books together, or watch marriage videos rather than bring a stranger into the marriage.

Others believe that it is even offensive to have to talk to a counselor or others about the problems inside their marriage.  This is also understandable.  Marriage is very personal – and marital problems are that much more personal.  How on earth could a stranger really help?

Then, there are those who believe that counseling is the ‘be all and end all’.  Those folks believe that counseling is the only resource that can help and is critically important if the marriage is to succeed.

Of course, all opinions are valid, but, we want to state clearly that we believe marriage counseling is indeed a resource that can help you and one that is worth pursuing.

First, in order to have success in counseling, you must find someone that both of you connect with.  If one, or both, of you don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable in front of someone you just met, then it will never work. Continue reading “Do we really need counseling?”

MARRIED STRONG!

FRIENDS!  This is a quick update.

So much has happened for us since we launched our blog “Remarried Forever”.

WOW!  Marriage is hard…and REmarriage is even harder!  At least it is from our perspective.  But marriage is a BLESSING every day!

As we have become more active in the marriage arena we are encountering and lovingly interacting with couples of every stripe: newlyweds, veteran married couples, remarrieds, and even engaged couples.

We know that ALL marriages need support and we don’t want to limit our reach as we seek to share, experience, and help married couples.

So today we are retitling our blog:

MARRIED STRONG!

We will always have a special affinity with couples who have remarried, and those blending a family as we are doing, but we want to celebrate and walk along side all married couples.  We will continue to have material that will likely favor remarried and blended families – but hopefully it will all be helpful and fun!

We look forward to being in touch.  And we are excited to be a resource to make ALL marriages STRONG!

 

5 Love Languages

We just finished up leading the 5 Love Languages Life Group at our church last night. This study is such a great way to learn how best to understand and serve your spouse. As we concluded, we learned something so important about being “in love” – and those first tingly feelings you get when you know your spouse is the one.

That “in love” experience usually ends within the first 2 years. Then what?

The following two paragraphs are from the 5 Love Languages work book: Continue reading “5 Love Languages”

LIVE from the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry

As you know, we made a commitment to try to help others who are remarried, blending families, and going through the ups and downs of marriage in a different way than the traditional first time marriage struggles, by sharing our experiences, being transparent and open to anyone in need.

So we decided to fly to Little Rock and attend the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry, which is dedicated to teaching people the best ways to help people like us who are remarried and living in blended families.

Let us say up front that many of these lessons are applicable to all marriages in one form or another, but stepfamilies do have many unique issues: ex-spouses and stepchildren being the two biggest.

Here are a couple of quick first takes: Continue reading “LIVE from the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry”

Are you banging a square peg in a round hole?

We are just one month away from our first wedding anniversary, which will also mark one year together as a blended family. Of course, with 4 busy kids and us only having them 50% of the time, it has been difficult to “blend” and get to know each other.

When we bring two families together after living very separate lives for a long period of time, it feels a bit like trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. We want it to work so bad that we keep pushing and forcing that square peg insisting that it will fit into the round hole!

However, what we want and the reality are often two separate things.

One of the most common sayings is “Stepfamilies cook in a crock pot, not a blender.” (Thank you Ron Deal) Obviously that means that bringing together a stepfamily takes time, and they aren’t forced together but come together in their own way, in their own time. Unlike that of whipping together a quick protein shake in a blender.   Continue reading “Are you banging a square peg in a round hole?”

Do you have a ‘beam’ in your eye?

Let’s face it friends – those of us who have gone through divorce and remarriage are dealing with, or have dealt with, someone in their life who creates hurt.

Pastor Ben at Cape Cod Church said it best: “Every story has a hurt, a villain we can point to as a source of pain”.

What happens when we have a villain? What happens when there is someone who causes hurt to your marriage or your family? The hurt that is created can overwhelm us, twist our lives around, and distract us from what is most important. Continue reading “Do you have a ‘beam’ in your eye?”

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