Pink & blue sunglasses

Have you ever been in a discussion with your spouse where you are saying one thing that seems simple and to the point, and your spouse is saying something back that seems equally simple and to the point?  All of the sudden you see your spouse’s attitude change instantly.  And your reaction is: “WHAT?  What did I say?  What did I do?”

We just started working through the Love and Respect series which has been SO eye opening to us.  Emerson Eggerichs is brilliant and hits the nail on the head!  He explains that many times in conflict, the issue doesn’t seem to be the the issue.  “What is the issue when the issue isn’t the issue?,” he says.

Watch Emerson Eggerichs explain “the issue”.Screenshot 2019-04-09 17.16.34

You think your spouse should understand you because your comments, on the surface, appear to be straightforward.  Continue reading “Pink & blue sunglasses”

A couple that does yard work together…

How does that old saying go?  “A couple that does yard work together…stays together.”  Or maybe we are remembering a twist on an old saying.  Anyway, last week we had to have our two last trees in the front yard taken down because of the dreaded Ash Bore which is destroying Ash trees all over New Hampshire.  They were once beautiful trees, and after counting the rings on the stump they were exactly 80 years old.

As we all know taking trees down isn’t cheap.  We were fortunate to find a wonderful father and father-in-law team to taken them down the old fashioned way and at an extremely reasonable price.  But to save some money, and some firewood, we asked them to stack the logs in 10 foot sections and pile up the brush for us to take care of ourselves.  They did an amazing job doing that for us.  There are two more brush piles in not in the picture below.

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The picture really doesn’t do the task ahead justice. Continue reading “A couple that does yard work together…”

Marriage is about getting naked.

(This post was first published on the in-between adventures)

If you’re married and you haven’t sat next to your spouse with no pants on, watching Brooklyn 99, then you’re missing out.  But really.

Screenshot 2019-04-02 14.11.18

A few weeks ago Jacob and I were sitting on our couch watching Wall-E and eating snacks.  Our window was open and we heard some friends in the parking lot.  They yelled up to our second floor apartment asking if we wanted to join them for half-off apps at Applebee’s.  We looked at each other, decided it’d be fun, and then yelled back down.  ‘Yes, we’ll be there in two minutes!  We need to put clothes on.’ Continue reading “Marriage is about getting naked.”

Do we really need counseling?

Like it or not, counseling has a bit of a stigma to it.

Some believe that counseling is not necessary and we should be able to resolve our problems on our own or by using some other resource.  This is an understandable opinion.  Some would rather reach out to close friends, their church, read expert books together, or watch marriage videos rather than bring a stranger into the marriage.

Others believe that it is even offensive to have to talk to a counselor or others about the problems inside their marriage.  This is also understandable.  Marriage is very personal – and marital problems are that much more personal.  How on earth could a stranger really help?

Then, there are those who believe that counseling is the ‘be all and end all’.  Those folks believe that counseling is the only resource that can help and is critically important if the marriage is to succeed.

Of course, all opinions are valid, but, we want to state clearly that we believe marriage counseling is indeed a resource that can help you and one that is worth pursuing.

First, in order to have success in counseling, you must find someone that both of you connect with.  If one, or both, of you don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable in front of someone you just met, then it will never work. Continue reading “Do we really need counseling?”

5 Love Languages

We just finished up leading the 5 Love Languages Life Group at our church last night. This study is such a great way to learn how best to understand and serve your spouse. As we concluded, we learned something so important about being “in love” – and those first tingly feelings you get when you know your spouse is the one.

That “in love” experience usually ends within the first 2 years. Then what?

The following two paragraphs are from the 5 Love Languages work book: Continue reading “5 Love Languages”

LIVE from the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry

As you know, we made a commitment to try to help others who are remarried, blending families, and going through the ups and downs of marriage in a different way than the traditional first time marriage struggles, by sharing our experiences, being transparent and open to anyone in need.

So we decided to fly to Little Rock and attend the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry, which is dedicated to teaching people the best ways to help people like us who are remarried and living in blended families.

Let us say up front that many of these lessons are applicable to all marriages in one form or another, but stepfamilies do have many unique issues: ex-spouses and stepchildren being the two biggest.

Here are a couple of quick first takes: Continue reading “LIVE from the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry”

Do you have a ‘beam’ in your eye?

Let’s face it friends – those of us who have gone through divorce and remarriage are dealing with, or have dealt with, someone in their life who creates hurt.

Pastor Ben at Cape Cod Church said it best: “Every story has a hurt, a villain we can point to as a source of pain”.

What happens when we have a villain? What happens when there is someone who causes hurt to your marriage or your family? The hurt that is created can overwhelm us, twist our lives around, and distract us from what is most important. Continue reading “Do you have a ‘beam’ in your eye?”

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