Our Journey Begins

Thanks for joining us!  This is going to be a very unique blog.  Where to start?  Well, in short, we were each divorced…about 4 years after our divorces we fell in love…and we decided to get remarried.

As with most everyone who falls in love we thought it would all work out well because we have so much love for each other and we have God leading the way.  We started reading books in preparation and we immediately got discouraged.  Most resources out there for couples getting remarried are not what you would call positive.  The pitfalls were endless and we figured that it simply couldn’t be as bad as the books illustrated.  Whoa – were we wrong.

We had the most magical wedding imaginable on August 26, 2017.  From that point forward nearly every day was a struggle.  We have four kids in total (Michael has three and Joya has one).  We each have an ex-spouse.  We all moved into a new house together.  And on August 27, six people started a new family, living together having never done so before.  We tried to prepare, but quite honestly, nothing can prepare a remarried couple and blended family until you all go through it together.

We have chosen to share our journey publicly, to present our challenges and to open ourselves up in an effort to help others.  We will provide real-time sharing with other remarried couples and blended families.  Why?  Because divorce isn’t an option for us and we don’t want it to be an option for others.  We love each other deeply and we are committed to make it work – as the vows say – for better or worse.  Hopefully, together, we all help each other.

**We are the furthest thing from experts.  What we are is a couple who struggles like everyone else in marriage, remarriage, and in blended families – and we wished there was a resource like this before we got married and as we struggle through our first year.  There isn’t – so we are creating it!**

Please know this – we are EXCITED about our marriage and new blended family and we WANT to help you in yours.  We hope this is helpful to you and look forward to connecting.

“A good marriage is a contest of generosity.” — Diane Sawyer

Featured post

Hooky For Adults

Doesn’t everyone love the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off?  It was a huge hit in 1986 and it seems like people talked about it for at least a decade after.  Young kids may not know about it today – but you can bet they will watch it sometime in their lives!

The movie is a classic about a kid in high school who went to amazing extremes just to skip school and enjoy the day with his friends.  If you haven’t seen it – rent it!

We are NOT writing this to suggest that kids play hooky in an effort to skip school to enjoy the day with friends.

However, we ARE writing this to suggest – if you and your spouse haven’t recently spent some quality time alone – that you play hooky from work!  Because – rather than the movie’s slogan “Leisure Rules”, we believe that “Love Rules” and it needs to be acted on – even if it means skipping work together!

Earlier this year, we desperately needed some time to ourselves so we escaped to the mountains up north and did basically nothing but be together – on a MONDAY!  We relaxed in front of a wood fireplace, stayed in our pajamas, fell asleep on the couch, and enjoyed the beautiful scenery outside.

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Continue reading “Hooky For Adults”

Spring Clean Your Marriage!

It was 70 degrees this weekend so naturally we are thinking about SPRING CLEANING!

Below are some key excerpts from a fabulous post titled ‘9 Tips On How To Spring Clean Your Marriage’ at the great marriage blog, The Romantic Vineyard.  Hope you enjoy it as much as we did!

 

 

  1. Clean the windows — make sure you are being transparent with your spouse about, well — everything!  There should be no secrets.  Open the windows and let the fresh air in.  Do you welcome outside inspiration from friends, teachings or books?
  2. Move the furniture and clean underneath — is there anything in your marriage you’ve lost and forgotten?  Ways you used to romance each other.  Kindnesses you used to show before life got so busy?  Plan to elevate these things back into your life.  You will be reminded how much you enjoyed them before they got shoved unknowingly under the couch.
  3. Sanitize the bathrooms — there is no more intimate or private room in the home than the bathroom.  And it is the one room that should be cleaned the deepest and the most often.  So too, with our sexual intimacy.  (yes, I’m really comparing our sex life to the bathroom.  lol)  Pay close attention to your ways and keep the marriage bed pure.  Make love often and watch your relationship shine!
  4. Polish the furniture — Dust reveals places no one has touched recently.  If dust is accumulating on the furniture, it is one of the first things guests notice in a home.  May your marriages be dust-free.

Read the full post and the other 5 tips at The Romantic Vineyard!

 

Fun Fact Friday! 83% and 72%

So we have been going through the Love and Respect video series.  If you haven’t done it, it’s worth taking a look or reading the book.  So good.

Here is a couple of pretty unbelievable statistics.  7,000 people were asked this question – yes 7,000! – When you are in conflict with your spouse or significant other, do you feel unloved at that moment or disrespected.

83% of the men said they feel disrespected.  72% of the women said they feel unloved.

Those are some pretty heavy stats!  They are important to know, because, while men and women both need love and respect equally, during conflict a wife leans toward love and a husband toward respect.

This continues to show how different men and women are and how we can often be misunderstood.

“God made us male and female.  Thus, a husband is not wrong for needing respect, just different from his wife.  A wife is not wrong for needing love, just different from her husband.  A wise person sees the differences and celebrates them.”

– Emerson Eggerichs

Have a great weekend!

Pink & blue sunglasses

Have you ever been in a discussion with your spouse where you are saying one thing that seems simple and to the point, and your spouse is saying something back that seems equally simple and to the point?  All of the sudden you see your spouse’s attitude change instantly.  And your reaction is: “WHAT?  What did I say?  What did I do?”

We just started working through the Love and Respect series which has been SO eye opening to us.  Emerson Eggerichs is brilliant and hits the nail on the head!  He explains that many times in conflict, the issue doesn’t seem to be the the issue.  “What is the issue when the issue isn’t the issue?,” he says.

Watch Emerson Eggerichs explain “the issue”.Screenshot 2019-04-09 17.16.34

You think your spouse should understand you because your comments, on the surface, appear to be straightforward.  Continue reading “Pink & blue sunglasses”

A couple that does yard work together…

How does that old saying go?  “A couple that does yard work together…stays together.”  Or maybe we are remembering a twist on an old saying.  Anyway, last week we had to have our two last trees in the front yard taken down because of the dreaded Ash Bore which is destroying Ash trees all over New Hampshire.  They were once beautiful trees, and after counting the rings on the stump they were exactly 80 years old.

As we all know taking trees down isn’t cheap.  We were fortunate to find a wonderful father and father-in-law team to taken them down the old fashioned way and at an extremely reasonable price.  But to save some money, and some firewood, we asked them to stack the logs in 10 foot sections and pile up the brush for us to take care of ourselves.  They did an amazing job doing that for us.  There are two more brush piles in not in the picture below.

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The picture really doesn’t do the task ahead justice. Continue reading “A couple that does yard work together…”

FUN FACT FRIDAY! The happiest year of marriage is…

Today, we are starting Fun Fact Friday!

There are so many facts out there on marriage it is hard to sift through and consume them all.  So we want to make it easier for you!  These Fun Fact Friday posts are meant to be educational, inspirational, informational, and…well…FUN!

Our first fun fact is from a study of 2,000 people that found couples are happiest in their – wait for it – THIRD YEAR OF MARRIAGE!

The study says:

The third year marks the point when couples begin to settle into comfortable co-existence, having come to terms with each other’s imperfections.

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Of course, we all can change statistics and Continue reading “FUN FACT FRIDAY! The happiest year of marriage is…”

Marriage is about getting naked.

(This post was first published on the in-between adventures)

If you’re married and you haven’t sat next to your spouse with no pants on, watching Brooklyn 99, then you’re missing out.  But really.

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A few weeks ago Jacob and I were sitting on our couch watching Wall-E and eating snacks.  Our window was open and we heard some friends in the parking lot.  They yelled up to our second floor apartment asking if we wanted to join them for half-off apps at Applebee’s.  We looked at each other, decided it’d be fun, and then yelled back down.  ‘Yes, we’ll be there in two minutes!  We need to put clothes on.’ Continue reading “Marriage is about getting naked.”

Do we really need counseling?

Like it or not, counseling has a bit of a stigma to it.

Some believe that counseling is not necessary and we should be able to resolve our problems on our own or by using some other resource.  This is an understandable opinion.  Some would rather reach out to close friends, their church, read expert books together, or watch marriage videos rather than bring a stranger into the marriage.

Others believe that it is even offensive to have to talk to a counselor or others about the problems inside their marriage.  This is also understandable.  Marriage is very personal – and marital problems are that much more personal.  How on earth could a stranger really help?

Then, there are those who believe that counseling is the ‘be all and end all’.  Those folks believe that counseling is the only resource that can help and is critically important if the marriage is to succeed.

Of course, all opinions are valid, but, we want to state clearly that we believe marriage counseling is indeed a resource that can help you and one that is worth pursuing.

First, in order to have success in counseling, you must find someone that both of you connect with.  If one, or both, of you don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable in front of someone you just met, then it will never work. Continue reading “Do we really need counseling?”

MARRIED STRONG!

FRIENDS!  This is a quick update.

So much has happened for us since we launched our blog “Remarried Forever”.

WOW!  Marriage is hard…and REmarriage is even harder!  At least it is from our perspective.  But marriage is a BLESSING every day!

As we have become more active in the marriage arena we are encountering and lovingly interacting with couples of every stripe: newlyweds, veteran married couples, remarrieds, and even engaged couples.

We know that ALL marriages need support and we don’t want to limit our reach as we seek to share, experience, and help married couples.

So today we are retitling our blog:

MARRIED STRONG!

We will always have a special affinity with couples who have remarried, and those blending a family as we are doing, but we want to celebrate and walk along side all married couples.  We will continue to have material that will likely favor remarried and blended families – but hopefully it will all be helpful and fun!

We look forward to being in touch.  And we are excited to be a resource to make ALL marriages STRONG!

 

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